are you still at the devil's house?
Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
Randomize
