my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
