Rock
Scissors
Fuck
Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
I want her autograph on my taint
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
Randomize
