That's intense
wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
Randomize
