____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize
