It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Randomize
