My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
