we're chasing vodka with high fives
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
Randomize
