I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
Randomize
