I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
Randomize
