Yeah....I really appreciate it....I didn't even get it from hooking up....lame, atleast if a girl gets u sick when u r hooking up it was fun in its inception...
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Randomize
