I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
