Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
Randomize
