My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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