$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Randomize