Say something about gay babies.
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
So much rum. So many feels.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
