She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
She's the barista slut.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
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