I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Randomize
