talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
I touched a dick in church today
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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