We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
