I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
i out mim tonsoeep
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