We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
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