I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Randomize
