Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize
