I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
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