absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Randomize
