I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Randomize
