I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
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