So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize
