I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
where am i from again
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
Randomize
