were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Randomize
