The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
Randomize
