Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Randomize
