Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize
