Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
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