Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
Randomize
