im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Randomize
