yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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