so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Randomize
