bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
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