70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
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