i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Randomize
