So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
Never joke about your clitoris.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
