She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
