I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
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