OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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