She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize