I can't watch pbs sober anymore
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
