Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
Randomize
