also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
