I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Randomize
