My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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