why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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