Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
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