pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
