i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
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