Porn is love you can see.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
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