worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
Randomize
