i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Randomize
