grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
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