Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
that is very illegal...i love you.
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