from now on my penis is your penis
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
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