ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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