Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
Randomize
