I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
