Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Randomize
