I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
I need moral support for this bender
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
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