Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Randomize
