saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
It's rum buckets o'clock
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
