I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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