oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
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