So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
one word: firstdatebathroomanal
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
