Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Randomize
